In an effort to connect with my readers, I think it’s time for an embarassing story. My hope is that you either 1. feel so bad for me, you keep reading OR 2. you have a similar story, earning your sympathy.
As a pretty girl with little free time on her hands, I took to online dating (pause for your gasp of oh-I-know-where-this-is-going!). One night, I was feeling particularly vulnerable and had received an email from a guy that appeared to be my type – he had the physical attributes I appreciate, he was funny and charming.
We started emailing, texting, calling - you name it. He would even text me in the morning, asking how I slept (aw.) When it came time to meet, he turned up the charm and was the epitome of nice.
One fateful Saturday evening, I made the trek to his place where he was making me dinner. I arrived to a very excited (read: bouncing-off-the-walls-hyper) guy that was otherwise what I had expected. That was, until he opened his mouth…
Now, parents, turn your children away, because this is where things get… uh, messy.
To test the lasagna, he took a bite and told me it was so good, it was worthy of a type of job that you do not get paid for, if you catch my drift. Strike one.
In an effort for him to feel as if I were getting to know him, he brought out a high school scrapbook and proceeded to re-live every detail of his glory days (including pointing to the girls he supposedly slept with, the ones with STDs, etc. I mean, what kind of people are you hanging out with?) High school and this guy: two things I’m over. Strike two.
The cherry on the cake… hold on to your seats, folks; it’s about to get ugly… At a quiet moment (meaning, he finally stopped talking about himself), he looks at me quizzically and asks if he could… relieve his bladder… in my mouth. Put my shoes on. Out the door. Strike three, four and five.
On my way home, I receive literally six texts from him, asking if I was mad, what he did, blah blah blah. If I cared more, I would have cried. This guy was so indecent, so off-the-mark, I couldn’t even muster up the tears!
So, what is the moral of the story? Online dating is bad? No. The moral here is, even though this date was a dis.as.ter, I got back on the horse with a better understanding of what I do not want and how to look for guys that possess those non-awesome traits. Sometimes we have to live through a storm to see the rainbow (cheesy, I beg your forgiveness).
As an update for my readers, I am currently off the market with an amazing guy that will kiss me on the forehead, hold my hand in public and certainly not make outlandish (never-gonna-happen) requests.
So, dear readers, do you have any similar dating disasters? Please share! (C’mon, I showed you mine!)
